pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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