I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
