You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
