hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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