i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
