i wish my penis had a tongue
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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