Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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