So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
