You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize