Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The air was thick with penises
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
