im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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