Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
