i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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