Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
