just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
