we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
