Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
