This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
