I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
