looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize