I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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