I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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