I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
