She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
