You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
