Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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