im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
