You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
