Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
