Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
