I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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