Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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