I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
