Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
