Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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