I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
