When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
