Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
