In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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