my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
