so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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