If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
