I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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