I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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