OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Ketchup is God's man juice
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
