my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
