either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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