Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
