So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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