What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
