She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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