I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
