Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
