all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
