You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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