dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize