I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
