i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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