dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
