I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
