Will you blow on my dice?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
