I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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