Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
