So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize