I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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