next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
