The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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