I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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