2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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