I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
