Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
