i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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