so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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