At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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