I skipped work to stalk him.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
