I'm going to jail i love you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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