you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
