she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
