Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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