On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
