It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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