He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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