you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
