He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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