At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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