so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
