he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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