Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
