i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
