I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
