1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
