careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i think my cat just said my name.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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